Hi  Ms. Ask Ash, 

I know you've probably heard this a thousand times, but I've personally never read your column.. It's ok though, because, I'm not writing this letter for me.. I'm writing it for my neighbor.  I know that she reads your column and, HOPEFULLY,  she'll realize I'm talking about her.. 

I would like to say that I am a very polite, caring and sensitive neighbor, and that's why this is so very difficult for me ..,. because I don't like to cause trouble but I just can't take the crashing noises anymore…

 

I know, your wondering what crashing noises I'm talking about, Right?

Ok, I'll tell you… At least twice a week, her bed breaks.. Right above my head.. Now, that wouldn't be so bad but when it happens I hear her yell at the top of her lungs, "I just love my hottie fireman" ..   

I think it's only one man but "DDDAAAAMMMNNN," if it is.. I wonder if I can order one of those for me..  Wait, strike that.. it takes away from the purpose of this letter.. I know your still wondering what is the purpose of this letter.. Ok, here it is.. 

Can you, by any chance, suggest a bed that has super duper strong support, so that when she starts her 

gym-nasty-ics, they don't break the damn thing the first week.. Apparently, she's planning on taking him with her and personally I think it's scary.. I can't even imagine how It's going to happen?  Is she going to kill one of those beds? Is HE?  You break it, you bought it !!!  You get the idea…  

Well, if you could help me out.. I'd really appreciate it.. I might even read your column.. Oh, and just so you know.. I think her name is The Sherry.. or something like that.. Do you know her?? 

Miffed in Mass..

 

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Dear Miffed,

 

Oh. My. Goodness!

 

You live downstairs from The Sherry? Get out! Get out now! Yes, I know her well. It's only a matter of time before that bed comes crashing through the ceiling and I don't want you to be under it when that happens.

 

I don't think there's any bed that can stand that kind of abuse. Perhaps a steel frame nailed to the studs of the wall will delay the inevitable, but instead of the floor giving way, the walls will. Either way, you're in severe danger!

 

If you want your security deposit back, hurry!