Vibrator question
Dear Ash,
I have been mulling this thought around for sometime and
would love some help from you.
I believe I've hit my sexual peak and I just can't get
enough, my SO just can't keep up with my demands. I've been thinking about purchasing
my very own BOB to be on call whenever I need him but I have two major
problems. The first one is that I have no idea what to buy or how I would go
about rating a vibrator. I'm not comfortable enough asking my friends for
recommendations and the choices are endless, makes models sizes prices -- I
honestly don't know where to start. My second concern is a little more
complicated. I am afraid to use a vibrator, sounds silly I know but when it
comes to electronic devices I've been known to have some severe issues with
malfunctions and I do not want to shock myself. I have a tendency to throw off,
computers, cameras, cellphones and alarm clocks. I cannot even wear a watch as
something in my body reacts with the energy. Can you help me?
Sincerely,
Looking for a little zip not a zap!
Dear Zip,
Congratulations on your sexual peak. You may never be this
active again, so might as well enjoy it to the fullest!
BOB (Battery operated boyfriend, for those who aren’t aware
of the acronym) has aided many couples as well as individuals and is the most
essential item in any adult toy collection. But you all know that.
There’s a fabulous movie titled Hysteria, which is all about
the invention of BOB. The Physicians of the time had discovered a treatment for
a female ailment called hysteria. Symptoms of hysteria consisted of normal
women being less than perfectly well behaved.
Basically, the treatment consisted of diddling. Naturally, doctors
who performed this service became very popular. Their waiting rooms were full,
and it seemed as if half the London ladies suffered from this terrible
condition. (LOL!)
Well, just as funny, the doctors were getting repetitive
motion syndrome. OMG, history is just too funny sometimes. Well, the British doctor
who invented the first vibrator became wildly rich and famous. We women owe him
a debt of gratitude. Sure Marie Curie and the discovery of penicillin saved
lives…but the invention of BOB made life worthwhile
for millions of unsatisfied women.
Now, as you’ve already discovered, BOBs come in an endless
variety of shapes, sizes and colors. Every company who manufactures vibrators
wants a piece of the action, so to speak. Therefore, the market is glutted with
thousands of instruments that all do the same basic thing. They vibrate.
Your preference should be met easily. Do you like things
shiny or bedazzled? There are vibrators for you. Soft and pliable? Yup. Plenty
of those. Long and hard? Of course. Some are very life-like and others appear
more like Nasa equipment or lovely accessories that you could display on a
bookshelf or desk.
Unfortunately, the only way to find the right one is to try
them. And try some more…and still more. When you’re as weak as a noodle, you
may have found it! Considering your tendency to electrocute yourself, you might
want to stick with the waterproof varieties.
Many of us modern day women have a drawer full by the time
we hit on a favorite. I remember when they stopped manufacturing the BOB I grew
to love and rely on. When Thumper died it was a tearful departure. I expected
there to be a proper mourning period, but my husband Mr. Amazing dashed right
out to buy a replacement. Only…there was no
replacement!
AAAAACK! I thought I’d never recover. So, we started the
process all over again. Last year I received a very pricey toy in my stocking.
Unfortunately, there’s no way Santa can know which is the right one either.
When my rechargeable BOB ran out in the middle of a session, I thought I was
going to explode—but not in the good way.
Give me good ol’ batteries and a handy drawer in which to
keep extras! If you’re too embarrassed to buy one in person, check out an
online site called Toys in Babeland.
Today a twenty dollar item can cure hysteria and free up
doctors to handle more life-threatening illnesses. We do indeed live in weird, wonderful,
and interesting times.
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